I knew my neighbor was an alien. He never used to stare at the extremely beautiful girl staying on the other side of my house. Instead he used to stare at me (before you get funny ideas read further). Additionally he did have greenish skin hidden by a polymer resembling Human skin, 2 antennas which I caught occasional glimpses of and had once witnessed him levitating . But the point about not staring at a beautiful girl clinched the matter for me. A teenager not staring at a beautiful girl is alien stuff indeed. The day had started off as usual for me -had been thrown out of two classes ,nearly slapped by a girl and stole 500 bucks from dad’s wallet . Ah the drudgery of a normal life. I was walking to a pizza parlor singing a song (it was not as if no one was in earshot but my sadist instinct forced me to ignore the unspoken pleas) .My neighbours’  entire family was going somewhere on foot. On an impulse I decided to follow them. The family had the boy of around 18, a girl of 14 or so and their parents .Suddenly the girl’s head turned a full 180 degrees and she started staring at me. I suppose there was something unnatural about it and I felt flustered. I couldn’t figure out what though. Maybe a female staring at me. Anyway I digress.

They turned into one of the side streets. They looked around and saw that it was deserted except me. All 4 waved to me and then flew away. My friendly neighborhood alien family (FNAF). I lost my appetite and hurried back. When I reached back our neighbor’s tree was attacking our garden. Man my mom loved her garden. That tree was gonna wonder what hit him when he met her. I ran inside-“Dad, the tree next door is wrecking our garden. Dad the tree just took a leak in our pool.”

“Teenagers these days will blame anyone but themselves for the trouble they create. Boy, I will box your ears stop this nonsense immediately.”

The pissing part made me feel aglow with the warmth which one experiences on seeing a miracle. A tree pissing -this one I had to see. It was like the time I got an A grade in math. I didn’t even bribe the teacher. I swear. One universal fact about pissing is it calms you down. It applied to the tree too so it went back peacefully. Then their house attacked our house. The small kid who lives on their other side started egging it on- “Smash them. Destroy them .He always sniggers at me. And his dad is a grouchy bastard.”

I don’t know whether the tree heard or not. But it only broke one window and then it ran back. “Son! Where are you? Sonny, sonny , sonny.. “my dad’s voice rang out. We didn’t have a dog named sonny but he seemed to be calling out to one in barely controlled rage.Then he came upstairs saw me sitting there as innocent as the day I was born.

“Wow, you ran really fast after breaking that window, dad said in an impressed tone. By the way are you on something?”

I wished I could take the credit. Very seldom does dad sound impressed by something I’ve done. “Dad, it was the house next door.”

Did it spank you son?”  My dad’s sanity seemed to be crumbling. There was an insane edge to his voice.

“Well dad why would it?”

“Maybe because you broke the window or might be due to the really pathetic nature of your excuses.”

I was 10 when I was spanked last time. At 18 it was a totally different experience. I was more eloquent in my pain. My howling screams approached sublime music. My pained expression was heart melting stuff. I wish I could audition for a role requiring a pained expression while being spanked by my dad. After the spanking I went out and sat in the garden directing a malevolent gaze at my neighbor’s house. Then my mom came out. Being in the wrong place at the wrong time is a subtle art. My mom shrieked with sheer terror [Not on seeing me.  Though sometimes she does seem to regret spawning such a great specimen of the homo sapiens sapiens ].

Then she wielded her gardening tools in a manner akin to the psychopaths they show in gore flicks from Hollywood. I had to run to save my hide. I had learnt by recent experience that people did not believe in weird truths told by chronic liars. (Innocent guys like me get labeled all the time.) I  ran to the same side street my FNAF had flown away from. They were coming back. I moved back to the main street. They came closer. Alien father -“Hello ,neighbour male child. I am the male head of this family”( English is not as easy as people make it out to be).

“Er..I know sir..”

“We want to inform you about our project mayhem”.

“Ahem? The polite sound in the throat I know about it. Goodbye dear sir”, I said trying to sidle away.

“Hold on, son. Mayhem not ahem. The end of this world as you know it . We were the scouts sent by our race . Its ideal for our habitation but humans are pests.We are the experts in pest extermination. So we were sent to discover a way so as to destroy the order of human society but to our chagrin we discovered there was but minimal order here and total chaos would require something more. So we decided upon using love as a weapon. We’ll make you earthlings fall in love without the mental barriers of age , sex and even species . Fall in love is a wrong term perhaps. You all will be making love in the streets with every sort of living creature. “

Actually such things need not be unleashed . Some of it happens anyways.He would perhaps have said more if the truck hadn’t run them over . Standing in the middle of the road and talking to a kid on a footpath is a foolish thing to do especially when the party concerned is supposed to be Intelligent beings from outer space( IBFOS) . But IBFOS were too dumb to survive in the mayhem that rules the streets of sweet ol’ earth …

By-Aseem Mahajan


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  1. doofmann says:

    my God, i thought you were heading to chip in with some decisive insght in the finish there, not leave it
    with ‘we go away it to you to decide’.

    • aseem.ace says:

      First of all thanks for the feedback.Actually wrote this many years ago and maybe should have refined it a bit before putting this up but was nostalgic about the original form as it was one of my first short story attempts.About the ending i wanted to imply that the chaotic mess they were about to unleash was countered by the very chaos that riddles humanity which the aliens had ridiculed.