Acceptance
Posted: 18th January 2011 by aseem.ace in ThoughtsTags: acceptance, Car, comic, happiness, secret, shit
Mitch Hedberg Funny quotes
Posted: 18th January 2011 by aseem.ace in ThoughtsTags: difficult, easy, funny, hard, Hedberg, mailman, Mitch, payment, plants, reach, shot
I saw this commercial on late night TV, it was for this thing you attach to a garden hose, it was like “You can water your hard-to-reach plants with this product.” Who the fuck would make their plants hard to reach? That seems so very mean. “I know you need water, but I’m gonna make you hard to reach! I will throw water at you. Hopefully they will invent a product before you shrivel and die! Think like a cactus!” So it said, “You can have this product for four easy payments of 19.95.” I would like to have a product that was available for three easy payments, and one fuckin’ complicated payment! We ain’t gonna tell you which payment it is, but one of these payments is gonna be a bitch. The mailman will get shot to death, the envelope will not seal, and the stamp will be in the wrong denomination; good luck, fucker! The last payment must be made in wampum!
I like an escalator because an escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would never see an “Escalator temporarily out-of-order” sign. Just “Escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience.” We apologize for the fact that you can still get up there.
I think Pringles’ initial intention was to make tennis balls. But on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload of potatoes arrived. But Pringles was a laid-back company. They said “F**k it. Cut ’em up! We can play tennis later.
I like rice. Rice is great when you’re hungry and you want 2,000 of something.
I want to hang a map of the world in my house then I’m gonna put pins into all the locations that I’ve travelled to. But first I’m gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won’t fall down.
I hope the next time I move I get a real easy phone number, something that’s real easy to remember. Something like 222-2222. I would say, “Sweet.” And then people would say, “Mitch, how do I get a hold of you?” I’d say, “Just press 2 for a while. And when I answer, you will know you have pressed 2 enough.”
Mark Twain quotes and written lines
Posted: 18th January 2011 by aseem.ace in ThoughtsTags: body, boy, country, disease, finn, huckleberry, imagination, insane, loyalty, mark, opinion, sawyer, tom, twain
He had discovered a great law of human action, without knowing it — namely, that in order to make a man or a boy covet a thing, it is only necessary to make the thing difficult to obtain.
Work consists of whatever a body is OBLIGED to do, and…Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.
To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing.
Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (1885)
Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot.
BY ORDER OF THE AUTHOR.
My kind of loyalty was loyalty to one’s country, not to its institutions or its officeholders. The country is the real thing, the substantial thing, the eternal thing; it is the thing to watch over, and care for, and be loyal to; institutions are extraneous, they are its mere clothing, and clothing can wear out, become ragged, cease to be comfortable, cease to protect the body from winter, disease, and death.
The pilgrims were human beings. Otherwise they would have acted differently. They had come a long and difficult journey, and now when the journey was nearly finished, and they learned that the main thing they had come for had ceased to exist, they didn’t do as horses or cats or angle-worms would probably have done — turn back and get at something profitable — no, anxious as they had before been to see the miraculous fountain, they were as much as forty times as anxious now to see the place where it had used to be. There is no accounting for human beings.
You can’t depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.
Nothing that grieves us can be called little: by the eternal laws of proportion a child’s loss of a doll and a king’s loss of a crown are events of the same size.
When I, a thoughtful and unblessed Presbyterian, examine the Koran, I know that beyond any question every Mohammedan is insane; not in all things, but in religious matters. When a thoughtful and unblessed Mohammedan examines the Westminster Catechism, he knows that beyond any question I am spiritually insane. I cannot prove to him that he is insane, because you never can prove anything to a lunatic–for that is a part of his insanity and the evidence of it. He cannot prove to me that I am insane, for my mind has the same defect that afflicts his. All Democrats are insane, but not one of them knows it; none but the Republicans and Mugwumps know it. All the Republicans are insane, but only the Democrats and Mugwumps can perceive it. The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.
Armor for your DSLR
Posted: 14th January 2011 by Aditya Mahajan in Gadgets, Photography, ReviewsTags: armor, camera, camera armor, canon, cover, dslr, nikon
We are very pro-active in getting our new phone a screen guard or a cover so that it stays protected and as good as new. But did you ever want a similar thing for a significant investment in the form of a DSLR. Here is an answer for your camera protection woes: Camera Armor ($40). Camera armor is a rugged, light silicone skin available for select models of Canon and Nikon DSRs (to check out if its available for the version you own, visit the Camera Armor website). On buying camera armor you would get precisely cut pieces of body armor for your camera which would be custom fit for your camera, enabling you to have full control of the camera while its protected. You can get only black color currently in the camera armors. So, the next time if you see a rugged camera it might be armorized using Camera Armor.
A great Portable speaker
Posted: 13th January 2011 by Aditya Mahajan in GadgetsTags: bluetooth, dock, perch, portable speaker, smartphone, streaming, wireless audio
Portable speakers have become the must have gadget for 2011 for all the music lovers out there. Here is a great option for you: the Perch Speaker ($180) is not only stylish but portable too and fits the pocket well. It is a two-piece speaker/dock and offers Bluetooth for wireless audio streaming, a magnetic charger built into the dock, which also sports a tray for charging your smartphone or media player, a built-in digital clock with alarm function, and an integrated microphone for speakerphone calls.
Porsche 918 RSR
Posted: 13th January 2011 by Aditya Mahajan in CarsTags: 918RSR, gran turismo, porsche, racing, supercharger
This car was conceptualized in the game called Gran Turismo and Porsche has decided to go all out and created a production version called The Porsche 918 RSR ($TBA). This new baby has a V8 engine good for 563 hp at a dizzying 10,300 rpm. The Engine is linked to two front wheel-mounted electric motors that are powered by a flywheel accumulator which charges during braking and can provide eight seconds of 767 hp motoring at the push of a button (Its like a virtual electronic supercharger and the feeling of such a thing sounds awesome). You would also get bonuses such as a special racing paint job, a lightweight carbon fibre reinforced plastic shell, a six-speed constant-mesh transmission, and the inability to legally drive it any place other than the track.