As he stood there smiling, he recalled what a mess he had been when he had met her. A chain smoker, a heavy drinker and locked in a self-destructive spiral of depression and self-loathing. She had seen all that and still become his friend. As a friend she had improved him, as a lover she had shown him what degree of happiness he could attain.
He had been stuck in a dead end job and justified it thinking it was all to sponsor his real ambitions, retire early and all that. She had shown him how to go for what he really wanted. In the now, not some vague future date. She had challenged, prodded and nagged him into becoming a better man. Without ever impinging on his freedom, for she understood he valued that fiercely.
He had been at a crossroads his entire life and she had shown him which road he wanted to walk down. How to ultimately start walking than always be paralyzed by the cons of the decisions he wanted to make but had always stopped himself from.
She had been his lighthouse, the one beacon he had followed with blind faith. His shining light on the gloomiest of day and his radiant sun on the good ones. He had almost forgotten what he had been without her. He remembered of course but that seemed like another person, couldn’t possibly be him, he thought.
It was not like the fairy tales though. They fought, they argued, they hated each others’ guts at times. And found each other boring at times. At other times doubted whether they wanted to be together. The answer had always been yes after varying intervals as they both were miserable without the other.
Through thick and thin they stayed together. Got their first grey hairs, through sickness and health comforting and loving each other, had witnessed each others’ highs and lows. They had never needed a social certificate via marriage to justify staying together. They needed nobody’s approval to know that they belonged together. Through every sarcastic retort to witty repartee they had become fonder of each other. Through each journey and shared experience they grew together and became more inseparable.
They had been contemplating having children when she died. Hit by the truck driver on one of his sleep deprived runs while she was driving to work.
He was at her funeral but it might as well have been his. He was lost again and this time there seemed to be no hope of redemption. Right here and now, he just wanted to be nobody.
By- Aseem Mahajan
